This morning I woke up and found my coffee mug inside the sink and mom was about to pour my coffee in some other mug. I instantly went and cleaned my mug and poured my coffee in it. Do you find this behaviour weird? Or you also feel that the coffee tastes better in your own coffee mug?
I feel the touch of my mug and it gets uncomfortable if I notice a change in its touch. It is just not about looking at my mug and feeling pretty but each morning I hold it with my left hand and my thumb feels the crevices of the mug, my palm feels the warmth at some particular points when I slowly sip in my coffee. It is not the same when I have coffee in another vessel. I do not think all of it consciously but I do get bothered when I feel a change happening around me.
I have a cupboard full of my clothes, clothes I shall never use again but I can’t let go of them. It is difficult for me to delete even a random screenshot from my phone although the phone’s memory is going to die in no day’s time.
People might argue that these are mere habits of one or our inherent possession for own things. But I think that one’s habit could be to have black coffee with no sugar but how could one be habituated with a particular coffee mug? One might be comfortable and habituated in his old worn out pants but how could it be a habit to hold on to several things which one cannot even have a memory of. It is just not about that special pink dress your father got for your graduation day or your mother’s silk saree that you can’t let go off but too many things to have an account of memory. I believe this is our inherent tendency to resist changes. We unconsciously try to hold on to ourselves and our realities of every kind because we keep on accumulating bit by bit and make the whole of us.
I even have my own spot on my bed where I sit or sleep and it gets difficult if I have to adjust in some other corner of the bed. I don’t want to change the view of seeing my bedroom door and a wall with an idol of Hanuman Ji when I look up in front, from my books or screen.
There are uncountable similar encounters we all have in our lives where we cannot just move on and like being stuck somewhere. It is not about things or artefacts in particular but with people and even places.
Almost all of us either had a toxic relationship in our lives or had known someone with one such, where even if things had gone down the road people still try to cling on to one another. And this is important to understand it’s not just about attachment or memories with that person but the fear of an unknown change that would come up if they end that relationship and move on in life. I think the major reason people find it to be convenient to hold on to something or someone is their idea of trying to protect their realities and therefore identities. Although reality is not tangible and it is a facade. Everything has the duality of being real and unreal as Reality is what we perceive it to be. And as we all know, change is the only constant of this universe and it shall forever be that way because it is necessary and good to get uncomfortable and posit oneself in vulnerable situations because that brings out the best in you. Whatever be it, your regular coffee mug or your toxic friend, you need to get off them if they get dirty. Well you have the opportunity to clean the mug though, but that’s not the case with your friend I guess.
We need to accept changes in life and grow from there. However it’s ironic that I have trouble in shifting from my spot in bed whereas I had travelled through several states all my school life. You can read about it on my blog page “Reminiscence of my school days”.
For now I got to clean my cupboard and let go of all the unwanted clothes. What is for me just an idea to uphold is a basic need for many more.
But I am still keeping my coffee mug anyway. And you definitely cannot sit on my spot.